The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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