What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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