I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
