I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
