there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
She has the best kind of daddy issues
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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