Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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