Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
