But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
