my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
