Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I wish i was in the wii world.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
