we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I could fuck to npr.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
