First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
