I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
