Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize