eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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