You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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