apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
