He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
