.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
