When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
