Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
