by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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