I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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