why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
