Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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