so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
