She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
