Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
