It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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