Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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