I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
