I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
My feet surprised me
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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