So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
