Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
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