I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
