Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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