I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Sober January is a disaster.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
