My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
