I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
