i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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