You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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