omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
