Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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