I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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