I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
