idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
