Why does Corona taste like a burp?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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