I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
