Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
