So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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